Heart to Heart

So lately I've been having a heart to heart with myself trying to figure out how to fix some of the problems that are presented in my life. This I've found is really hard to do because having a heart to heart with someone else, you usually cry and give hugs or the other person crys with you but there are always words of encourgement. When having a heart to heart by yourself, I've found I usually do twice the amount of crying, but its not always a bad crying more of an I'm so stupid, cant believe you did that cry.
My biggest heart rencher that I've noticed lately that is really bugging me is that I seem to push all of my girl friends away with out knowing that I am doing it. I don't know why I didn't notice it sooner and if I did why it wasn't more obvious to me and for those that got hurt I'm sorry. To be perfectly honest it probably was obvious but being the stuborn person that I am I probably just didnt want to give in or be the first to say something. Lately all I can think about is how I hurt this person and why did I honestly let it get so bad that we hardly talk anymore. I'm such an idoit and am realizing that know I am going to lose this person forever because more than likely after graduation and when she gets married I don't know when I will see her again.

Sorry to make this so depressing but I felt like I needed to tell someone, but not give the pitty me speech. I just felt that this was a place that I could just type and get some of my feelings out. However if this person reads this I hope they know that they mean so much to me and that I am really sorry for everything.